Depending on someone is never a bad idea. When people such as family, clients, and community are depending on me it is a motivator for me to show up and perform the way I had promised. When we do that we come from a sense of self-respect, as we are respecting ourselves and those who are depending on us.
When we become dependent on others and set expectations on those we rely upon without their knowledge, it can leave both feeling disrespected. Finding the balance in life is being aware of the imbalance. The desire to be independent and have the balance of healthy dependency formed through mutual respect is “Interdependency”.
Exchanging the Co-dependent behavior of dependency for the Leading Lady behavior of Interdependent is a healthy and worthwhile balancing act. When we create demands and expectations on others we are forcing on them a facsimile of our own thoughts on how they should behave. Any intrinsic motivation that we would hope one to have has been taken away as we are now forming conditions on our dependency to them.
In a significant other relationship, dependency can show up in many ways, such as not doing activities together, unhealthy eating habits, inactivity, drinking, drug use, avoiding conversation, and/or individual isolation. When one of the partners decides to make a shift be aware that the other partner might have feelings of being abandoned and have thoughts of being left behind. Being aware of this ahead of time can become a powerful insight; it can be the reason to keep going instead of the reason to give up and convert back to old dependency behaviors.
It is the consistency of behavior when making the change that will pay dividends in your relationships—both with others and with yourself. When you press forward, even when things are difficult, you are cultivating a resilience quality that will show up as confidence in yourself. You may help others find their footing as they feel inspired over time to cultivate what matters to them.
Change is hard for this reason; others’ insecurities and your self-doubt can stop this process as you experience new emotions that can make you feel uncertain. On the other hand, it could be the inspiration your relationships were waiting for as you find yourselves encouraging each other.
Steven Covey expands on interdependence relationships in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Having individualism while also being a partnership is a safe place where each of you can grow. Becoming Intentional was the second blog I wrote back in 2019 where I reference Steven Covey. It has a few insights when it comes to moving forward with Intention as you transform from dependency to Interdependent.
Embracing “what is” truly is a gift you can give yourself. As you actively work to create balance and harness Leading Lady behaviors of interdependence, your relationships will begin to change. When you begin to show up in your relationships with confidence and integrity your relationship potential will begin to come into full view. If this is a struggle that you can relate to in your relationships, reach out to me and let’s have a discovery call. I’m ready to show you some insight as you invest in the most important relationship, the one you have with yourself.