Swinging from one side all the way to the opposite side of an emotional pendulum can be exhausting. One moment you are completely happy and the next you are angry and feel threatened. Having patterns like this, it is easy to see why someone struggling with Co-Dependency thinks they are broken.
Having Tender Emotions can seem like a no-solution problem, but as you begin to connect the dots of your thoughts to your emotions you can make sense of them. Viewing your emotions as a warning signal instead of being at the mercy to them might help you to decrease the pendulum swing.
In order to view emotions as signals, you will need to take on Courage. Gaining courage is a Leading lady behavior and one that will serve you well. Transforming the Co-dependent behavior of tender emotions, you can look at the signals your body is giving you and view it as informational data. Detaching from it will take courage as it will require you to look at your part in any equation as you step away from a victim, hero, or villain role, and step into courage. To learn more about the emotional triad of Hero, Villain, and Victim check out my blog on it here.
Just like everything else, learning new behaviors is a one-step-at-a-time process. A tool I use when coaching clients and to help them see their thinking is “The Model.” The Model is a formula used to view your current thinking and help you create new thinking that might be more useful.
Using The Model formula, I want to share the first three steps as they pertain to this blog:
- “C” is for Circumstance: What are the facts? Write down only the facts about the situation you are in.
- “T” is for Thought: What are the thoughts you have about the circumstance & what are your reactions to it?
- “F” is for Feelings: What are the feelings you are experiencing from the thoughts you are having?
This very basic beginning to the model is what will help you most as you learn to gain courage. Separating out the Circumstance from your Feelings as you notice your Thinking can help you see you don’t have to be at the mercy of your emotions. It is easy to see how we attach feelings we experience to what someone said or did. Beginning to see that we have a choice and that there can be many different responses to any given scenario, can show you that you are not broken. In fact, you are far from broken.
What a beautiful gift courage is, as it can open you up to endless possibilities as it begins to show you that you are not stronger than you think, but you can think yourself stronger than you are. Gaining this insight also means being willing to see our part in any given circumstance.
As we open up to the possibilities, you might see that there was some truth in what they said about you. Seeing the truth in what someone said or did does not mean that you are not standing up for yourself. In fact, it can show quite the opposite. I would say that seeing your part is portraying humility with courage as you don’t see yourself as a victim, but as the victor for showing you are open to growth.
If this information resonated with you, schedule your free discovery coach call here. With me, coaching one-on-one will show you how to apply all I discuss to your life, taking the relationships you’re struggling with from a liability to an asset.