If you’ve ever played hide and seek you can relate to the feeling of hiding and being afraid of discovery. You experienced it as you crouched in a closet trying to hide from the one seeking you. Your heart was racing as you sat, waiting, terrified of being found. It is this fear that kept us quiet and hiding. When we Comply in relationships, it is a form of hiding who we are. Focusing on someone else and their ideas could make it easier for us to never be at fault. By focusing on others and complying all the time we might be avoiding Unconfutable feelings around our thoughts about our shortcomings we see as faults.
Fear is a huge motivator for hiding and building the habit of complying. But, what is it we fear? We fear looking stupid, not being liked, being ridiculed, and we fear failing. This generates high anxiety and we unconsciously choose to focus the blame on others to continue hiding. Even knowing all this, we are not motivated to change because it would be too uncomfortable. I would like to suggest it is the hiding that we should be afraid of, not our faults.
By being present and acknowledging why we are choosing unconsciously to be “other focused” instead of hiding and complying, we can learn to be Decisive. Instead of being the child that is hiding, we can take on the role of the Seeker and be decisive. Like a child seeking the person hiding as they determinedly search looking in every closet under every bed and not afraid but actually excited. You too can look forward to the end goal of finding decisiveness and enjoy the steps you will need to take to generate decisiveness as a behavior that you experience on a regular.
One step you can take as you begin to be decisive is identifying when you are complying and ask yourself, “What do I really want to say and why am I not saying it?” Another question you could ask is, “What is the worst that could happen?”
Becoming clear on your motives is a key component when it comes to showing up decisively. Being decisive is not permission to be bossy or bitchy; when we choose such behaviors, it is because we think we have to prove, justify, or explain. Allow yourself to feel new emotions, get things wrong, and be misunderstood. Deciding to believe that your unique input is as important as anyone else’s and expressing it in a respectful and dignified manner will generate emotions of self-confidence and provide the encouragement you need to keep growing.
Working towards the awareness of wanting to be more decisive is an attempt that is not only healthy for you emotionally, but physically as well. Cultivating a Leading Lady behavior like Decisiveness can bring your soul peace, however, maintaining the balance can be tricky. Holding space for my clients as they walk this tightrope is what I do. Ready to grow and change your relationships? Let’s get on a discovery call today and show you some clarity.